Hurry, rush out right now and buy Gu Roctane! You need this product, it will do amazing things.

Roctane contains the original GU formula of simple and complex carbohydrates with antioxidants; plus, it enhances performance with histidine, citrates and branched amino acids

How were you ever able to do your long runs without histidine, citrates and branched amino acids. Ok, I am being facetious. Remember when I told you that companies like to “kill the consumer with options” here we go again.

This is what I love, on the Gu Website they have an entire spread devoted to Roctane. However, I see no scientific studies to back up any of their claims that Roctane is superior to regular Gu. Seriously, if they invested that much money to make Roctane, surely they have to have some lab test that validates it’s superiority. Does Gu have an R&D department or just a marketing department, I’m starting to wonder.

There is no data from the lab, but there are some testimonials, so just like a late night infomercial let’s take a look:

“The stuff is like gold, traded behind closed doors in the old days. It is similar to Coca-Cola – gives the extra kick to the late miles. I rely on it mentally too.”
-Chris Hauth, 2006 Ironman Coeur d’Alene Champion

It’s similar to Coca Cola? Really, that’s the scientific break through? Also, was gold ever traded behind closed doors?

“In the sport of cycling, ride fuel and nutrition is so important. You will not find more bang for your buck in any other nutritional product. GU Roctane will change the way athletes look at nutrition. There is nothing like it.”
-Saul Raisin, professional cyclist

Saul did the old ROI claim. Well Gu Roctane cost $2.50 per packet, while regular Gu cost $1.00. What if I consumed two Gu packets, is the Roctane still the best bang for the buck, because I’d have fifty cents extra in my pocket? What if I bought a Coca Cola, that’s less than a dollar.

“Roctane aids in my performance every time I use it by giving me more energy throughout my system. This includes mental clarity. It also is outstanding for recovery.”
-Stephen Koch, first snowboarder to descend the seven summits, professional mountain guide

Wow, improved mental clarity, this product does it all.

I love this part of the faqs.

Why does Roctane cost more than the original GU?
Roctane costs more because there are up to 10 times the amount of high-performance ingredients in each packet. Consider this analogy: Original GU is like premium unleaded—it’ll power the most sophisticated engines on the planet with no problem. Roctane is our high-octane, racing-grade unleaded. It burns hotter and stronger and will keep an engine running near red-line all day long.

First, it’s a poor analogy. Premium fuel cost about 10% more than Regular fuel, not 250%. How about the fancy packaging, did that add to the cost? Does it literally cost 2.5x more to make one packet of Roctane as it does regular Gu? I find that hard to believe.

One of the greatest marketing slogans ever was the phrase “Rinse and Repeat” that they put on shampoo bottles, because it’s not necessary to wash your hair more than once. That’s what Gu is doing, giving the consumer the option to spend a little more, without having any scientific data to backup their claims. On their website it states to take a Roctane 45 minutes before your race, 15 minutes before your race, and every 45 minutes while racing. Thus, if you run a three hour marathon, that’s 6 Roctanes or $15 in product.

It reminds me of this scene in Anchorman:

Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I’ll give this little cookie an hour before we’re doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
[opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard’s Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne… It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
Ron Burgundy: It’s quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.
[cheesy grin]
Ron Burgundy: That doesn’t make sense.
Brian Fantana: Well… Let’s go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
[snarls]

Anyway, I’ve heard that Gu Roctane has already been banned in six countries and that 60% of the time, Gu Roctane works every time. So pick up a packet and set some PR’s!